BRO CODE

BRO CODE, by Barney Stinson

Article 1:

Bros before hoes. Always remember, girlfriends come and go, but your boys are always there. Breaking this rule is to commit the cardinal sin against Team Testosterone.

Article 2:
Never drink the last beer, unless you've been granted specific permission that it's OK.

Article 3:
If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:

A. Was an ex-girlfriend.
B. Your friend specifically told you he wanted her.
C. Is you're buddy's sister.

However, if it's your buddy's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcome to rub it in his face for years to come.

Article 4:
Never diss a guy if his team just lost a crushing game.

Article 5:
You must never own a cat.

New amendment to this rule: A Bro may never own more than 2 cats, but only if they adhere to the Bro Code

Article 6:
If you get 2 tickets to the big game, the priority list for granting the second ticket is as follows:

1. Your best friends (in order of how long you've known them).
2. Your acquaintances.
3. Your co-workers.
4. The mailman.
5. The UPS guy.
6. NASA.
7. John Kerry.
....1,485,726. Your girlfriend.

Article 7:
You are allowed to enjoy exactly one chick TV show, and one chick flick. You may have no more.

Article 8:
Birthday and Christmas presents for your guy friends are optional. Beer always makes a great gift.

Article 9:
If you go the bar with your buddies, you must buy a round of drinks at least once. The Bro with the better paying job is required to buy the first round. If the other Bro is temporarily out of money or left his wallet at home drinks can be lended yet in the long run these drinks must be repaid, later that night by wingman services or any other act of entertainment or at the next gathering.

Article 10:
There are no mercy rules when playing someone in Madden, hoops, street hockey, bare-fisted boxing, etc.

Article 11:
If you owe someone money, pay them back as soon as humanly possible—unless it's a gambling debt, which must be paid immediately.

Article 12:
Standard shotgun rules are as follows.

A. Shotgun may only be called within full sight of the car.
B. Shotgun must be called outside.
C. Shotgun calls last approximately ten minutes.
D. Shotgun never carries over to a second ride.

Article 13:
NO PDA (Public Displays of Affection).

Article 14:
It's alright to cheat at any game where money isn't involved. In certain circumstances, relationships may be classified as "games."

Article: 15:
Don't tell other guys elaborate stories about your weightlifting exercise routine. No one cares.

Article 16:
Never openly question another guy's sports wisdom, unless said information specifically pertains to your favorite team.

Article 17:
When out with the guys, never accept a call from your girlfriend—unless she's dying or trapped under a burning fuel truck, and if that's the case, make it quick.

Article 18:
Always allow a buffer zone at urinals and on couches.

Article 19:
Never share a bed with a guy, unless there's no way around it.

Article 20:
Bros Before Hoes. I know, I already used it. I can't stress it enough, though. It is absolutely infuriating how many of my guy friends have become insufferable ***** since they've gone out with someone.

Article 21:
In a 6 person hot tub, there should be a maximum of 3 guys.

Article 22:
A Bro should not sing and dance at the same time

Article 23:
A Bro should not watch Oxygen, Womens Entertainment, or Lifetime.

Article 24:
Men do not lie about their age.

Article 25:
A Bro should not swing his arms when he is walking.

Article 26:
A Bro will, in a timely manner, alert his Bro to the existence of a girl fight. A Bro must never hesitate before communicating the possibility of fisticuffs between two humans of the female variety [[HENCEFORTH "GIRL FIGHT"]], in an effort to make possible and probable that another Bro or Bros can partake in observation. A timely manner is open to interpretation based on the initial Bro's viewing and processing of the potential feminine conflagration. Said Bro must use any and all methods of media distribution at his disposal, including but not limited to: telecommunications, elbow nudging, fiber optics, the Broney express, and postcards. If an informed Bro is unable to witness the girl fight firsthand, the spotter Bro is responsible for documenting and relating details of the girl fight via pictures, video*, or barring any other reasonable method, interpretive dance and/or pantomime. Tabling Bro obligations to witness a XX chromosomal scuffle is not only condoned, but encouraged, and in some cases, required. Please refer to the Brobligation rubric as elucidated in AMENDMENT 83: "The REALLY hot sister and other hump trumps."

Article 27:
A Bro should never carry a woman's handbag

Article 28:
A Bro should never go tanning.

Article 29:
No Bro should dye their hair

Article 30:
A Bro should never refer to an athlete as a "stud"

Article 31:
A Bro should never cry during a movie. In the event that he does, he must under no circumstance admit it to anyone other than a girl he is trying to score with.

Article 32:
A Bro should not "pop" his collar.

Article 33:
A Bro should not speak more than two languages.

Unless

1. He has lived for a minimum of 9 months in a country whose main language is one of those languages
2. He uses the extra language as a means of picking up women who only speak that language
3. His job requires him to know more than 2 languages
4. It is a means of only to impress women and nothing else

If in the occurrence that a Bro knows more than 2 languages, it is the given right for said bro to invite other bros to parties where this language is spoken, having said bro escort and be the official bilingual wingman.


Article 34:
Bro’s cannot make eye contact during a “devil’s threeway” (two dudes.)

Article 35:
A Bro should never say "it's to die for"

Article 36:
A Bro should not wear a scarf without a jacket or coat.

Article 37:
A Bro should not wear an ascot.

Article 38:
A Bro should never use the following words: fantabulous, ginormous & fierce.

Article 39:
A Bro should never wrap a towel around his head after leaving the shower.

Article 40:
A Bro should never "sip" and alcoholic drink through a straw

Article 41:
A Bro should never wear a blouse.

Article 42:
If you are not living with a girl you should not have tampons in your bathroom.

Article 43:
A Bro should not wear crocs.

Article 44:
A Bro should not wear a leotard or do pirouettes.

Article 45:
A Bro should never wear a sweater over his shoulders

Article 46:
A Bro should not eat grapes from the vines

Article 47:
A Bro should never rollerblade

Article 48:
The word cute should not be used other then describing a chick they want to bone

Article 49:
If you compliment a guy on his six-pack, you better be referring to his beer.

Article 50:
A Bro should never, ever wear capri pants.

Article 51:
A Bro should not wear flip flops with a suit.

Article 52:
No Bro should wear a speedo to the beach

Article 53:
A Bro will, whenever possible, provide his Bro with protection. In the event that one Bro finds himself lacking the necessary prophylactic accoutrements needed to complete the act of coitus in a safe and effective manner, he is in the right to expect his Bro will use all measures within or without his means to provide the aforementioned prophylactic in a timely yet discreet fashion. When a Bro signals his need using previously agreed upon code words and/or body signage, it is understood that his Bro will discontinue all present activity [excepting the act of coitus itself [whereby which Bro vows to finish as quickly as possible]], in order to respond with a panoply of options at Bro-in-need's location. A Bro must patronize the most rapid method of transportation available while endeavoring to assist his Bro. In no instance may a two-wheeled bicycle be used* as this is not only humiliating, but also potentially harmful to the perineum - a zone of tissue perilously adjacent to noted sexual organs. In the event that a state, federal, international, or galactic law is breached due to recklessness, unacceptable levels of speed, and/or the hijacking of an airborne vehicle(s), it is understood that the primary Bro will shoulder any associated legal fees or fines. However, any costs or damages incurred from the use of public transportation are the responsibility of the secondary Bro alone as this is an instance of Quid Pro Bro. Upon arrival at the primary Bro's location, the secondary Bro must exercise complete discretion so as not to disrupt the primary Bro's "flow." It is understood that a Bro will engage in all training necessary to achieve this objective, including, at minimum, a five month Ninjitsu curriculum mastering the twin arts of stealth and secrecy.** Once the primary Bro has been supplied with the necessary prophylactic(s), the Brocedure is deemed complete upon exchange of the traditional, though in this case silent, "high five." Tacit in this unspoken ritual is the understanding that said episode will never be spoken of again, unless it's part of an awesome story. * Unless a bicycle is the ONLY form of transportation, as in some Cambodian villages **

Article 54:
No Bro should make a kissing face in a photo.

Article 55:
No Bro should wear girl jeans

Article 56:
A Bro shall never reveal the score of a sporting event to another Bro until that Bro has thrice confirmed it's cool.

Article 57:
A Bro may not speculate on the expected Bro/chick ratio of a party or venue without first disclosing the present-time observed ratio.

Article 58:
If a Bro, for whatever reason, becomes aware of another Bro's girlfriend's birthday and/or anniversary date, he shall endeavor to make that information available to his Bro, regardless of whether he thinks his Bro already knows.

Article 59:
One Bro makes a solo attack.
A Second Bro provides a crutch,
A third Bro rounds out the pack,
But a fourth Bro is one too much

Article 60:
Should a Bro be near to closing with a girl, his Bro shall do anything within his means to ensure the desired outcome, up to and including the seduction of said girls wildly unattractive friend/cousin/sister.

Article 61:
A Bro shall honor thy father and mother

Article 62:
In the event that two Bros acquire the same target, the Bro with the longer dry spell has dibs. Should the dry spells be of equal length, a game of discreet roshambo(rock paper scissors) shall determine the outcome

Article 63:
In a scenario in which two or more Bros are engaged in entertainment of the adult variety, one Bro is forbidden from intentionally or unintentionally touching another Bro in any capacity, including but not limited to; the high-five, the fist bump, or the congratulatory gluteus pat. Winking is also a no no.

Article 64:
A Bro must provide his Bro to a ticket to an event if said event involves the second Bro's favorite sports team in a playoff scenario

Article 65:
A Bro must always reciprocate a round of drinks among Bros with the proviso that no existing wager supercedes this purchase and exchange of spirits.

Article 66:
If a Bro suffers pain due to the permanent dissolution of a relationship with a lady friend, a Bro shall offer nothing more than "that sucks, Bro" and copious quantities of beer. A Bro will also refrain from pejorative commentary - deserved or not - regarding said lady friend for a period of three months, when the requisite BACKSLIDE WINDOW has closed.

Article 67:
Should a Bro pick up a guitar at a party and commence playing , another Bro shall point out that he is a tool

Article 68:
If a Bro be on a hot streak, another Bro will do everything possible to ensure its longevity, even if that includes jeopardizing his own records, the missing of work; or temporary immigration to a foreign country.

Article 69:
No Bro should ever get a pedicure

Article 70:
A Bro should never highlight his hair.

Article 71:
A Bro should not talk to another Bro in the bathroom.

Article 72:
A Bro should never sing show tunes.

Article 73:
A Bro should never eat out of another Bro's hands.

Article 74:
Two men should not share an umbrella.

Article 75:
A Bro should not have "an outfit".

Article 76:
A Bro should not wear a white belt.

Article 77:
A Bro never cries. Unless it’s regarding Article 31.

Article 78:
A Bro should never wiggle out of a pair of pants.

Article 79:
No Bro can hit another Bro in the groin unless victim Bro has broken the Bro code.

Article 80:
A Bro may never seek entertainment from professional women's sports. Unless said entertainment be comedic or physical e.g. gymnastics, beach volleyball

Article 81:
What happens between bros stay between bros...
also known as the what happens in vegas stays in vegas rule and the what happens on tour stays on tour rule

Article 82:
If a Bro catches another Bro in plagiarism - albeit awesome plagiarism - a Bro shall be required to ask the Bro to cite his source.

Article 83:
A Bro can not cock-block another Bro UNLESS sleeping with said girl would break a Bro code.

Article 84:
Love thy neigh-Bro

Article 85:
No bros night out can start with "the wife put out some cheese" and end "with everyone at home by eleven, booya."

Article 86:
If said bros is lost to a relationship, they must void all rights to use the bros code for any purpose and are rightfully subjected to any and all humorous ploys made to said post-bros by previous bros.

Article 87:
A Bro shall at all times say 'Yes'.

Article 88:
Any bros who notice a fellow bros passed out at any social gathering due to drug or alcohol consumption, is obligated to take humiliating photo's and/or videos of the passed out bros; unless said bros has consumed a whiskey, rum, scotch or other hard liquor to an excess of a ratio of: once ounce:3kg of body mass (7lbs imperial)

Article 89:
"A Bro may never pursue the mom of another Bro." Be it here resolved that at no point is it permissible for one Bro to engage in carnal delicacies with another Bro's mother. It is, however, allowed and encouraged for one Bro to graphically suggest to a Bro the athletic feats, animalia, and/or machinery utilized during a fictional encounter with his mom. [[NOTA BENE: It is customary for a Bro to avoid such Brocularity if his Bro's mom is a 9 or better, for fear of Oedipal inducement.]] Should a Bro discover his Bro is in fact adopted, he is free to pursue his Bro's adoptive mother, but only after first corroborating non-biological parentage through notarized birth certificates, hospital records, or comparative dioxyribonucleic acid gel electrophoresis, whichever is easiest. Since the adopted Bro cannot legitimately claim to have shared a canal with his Bro, ARTICLE 89 expressly prohibits the adopted Bro from invoking the Sloppy Second clause in any related filings with the International Court of Bros. Though the mom of a Bro is always off limits, the step-mom of a Bro is allowed if she initiates it and/or is wearing at least one article of leopard print clothing. If she looks good in it.

Article 90:
No bros should know any fellow bros weight for any reason. Previous bros code stipulation should only have an assumed weight. If the assumed weight is on the turning point of humility and peace, humility over-rides

Article 91:
When bros are up for the same promotion/job position and are subjected to interviews, bros in a prior interview must alert bros of any and all trick questions they can remember. This ensures all bros get an equal chance at the position/title because it is well known fact that the bros performing the interview wants to get the process over as quick as possible and the only way for a fair chance is to make all subsequent bros seem better.

Article 92:
When a bros introduces a fellow bros to their hot female friend, the introducer has the rights to the girl. The introduced bros can only attempt to get the girl if the introducer bros gives his consent.

Article 93:
If any bros acts out of line and defies any bros code during a multiple bros conversation with any number of girls, the other bros have the right to tell any humiliating stories and facts about said bros for the purpose of ruining said bros chances with the girl(s).

Article 94:
Should a Bro (1st, 2nd or 3rd) be hooking up with an unattractive woman, the Bro that notices this must do all in their power to stop said Bro from closing the deal, unless they are helping another Bro with Article 60.

Article 95:
Any girl passing out in a non-bedroom designated area of a dwelling occupied by more than one bros is not up for grabs under any circumstances. Additionally, said girl can be subjected to humiliating photos as long as other bros are alerted to its undertaking


By B. S
.

Kuetiao Pak Din

Siapa tak tahu perihal kuetiao Pak Din yang faymes satu Perlis. Statistik mengatakan bahawa kuetiao Pak Din adalah kuetiao yang paling sedap di wilayah utara Semenanjung Malaysia. Apakah rahsia kesedapan kuetiao Pak Din tersebut ? Mari kita menyingkap kisah disebalik kuetiao Pak Din yang sedap menusuk kalbu.

Tersebutlah kisah, Pak Din@ Burhanudin Cempiang merupakan seorang pemuda Melayu yang biasa seperti pemuda melayu yang lain. Tiap-tiap hari kerja beliau melepak-lepak di area Kok Klang. Pada suatu hari, sedang Burhanudin Cempiang melepak-lepak, beliau didatangi oleh seorang lelaki yang memakai sut serba hitam. Apabila dilihat figura lelaki tersebut dari belakang, jelas kelihatan seluar dalam merah menyala kerana lelaki tersebut tidak menyisip baju dibahagian belakang secara kemas. Kemudian lelaki tersebut menghampiri Udin Cempiang.
" Bro, maw bikin duit tak ? "
" Bikin duit apa ? Duit siam takmaw, nilai kecik ! " balas Udin Cempiang.
" Bukan itu macam maa, "

( Kemudian saya menyedari saya hanya mengarut mengenai lelaki memakai baju serba hitam dan beliau sama sekali tidak terlibat dalam ceritera ini)

bersambung..
" Abeh tu macamana pulak ? " Udin Cempiang tertanya-tanya si polan bahasa.

Bersambung...

Nasi Lemak Pak Cik

Haeh, tengah duduk sorang-sorang kat rumah ni terasa lapar pulak. Bila lapar, mula la teringat nasi lemak pak cik.Terbaik wok !

Sejarah Nasi Lemak Pak Cik

Dahulunya pak cik yang jual nasi lemak ni pembunuh upahan yang kejam. Sebut la nama gangster mana yang dia tak bunuh. Semua dia sapu beb !

Tersebutlah kisah pak cik ni diberi upah untuk membunuh seorang lelaki yang banyak sangat hutangnya kepada pihak along ni. Dia pun belasah kaw-kaw la lelaki tu sampai lunyai manyai. Dalam keadaan nyawa-nyawa ikan tu, dia tanya pak cik " Sampai bila la kamu ni nak buat kerja jenis-jenis gini ? " Pastu pak cik pun berhenti dari memukul lelaki tu. Dia garu-garu kepala sampai ada kelemumur yang jatuh berguguran seperti pasir-pasir di pantai. Pastu sebelum lelaki tu menghembuskan nafas terakhirnya, dia sempat mengeluarkan sehelai kertas yang berlipat palat. Dia bagi kat pak cik. " Kertas padia ni ? " tanya pak cik dengan suara pelat utaranya. Lelaki tu pun jawab, " Ini resepi nasi lemak turun temurun dari zaman kesultanan melayu melaka. Tok moyang aku dulu adalah tukang buat nasi lemak diraja. " " Hang biaq betoi mat ? ", tanya pak cik yang masih menggaru kepalanya dan kelemumur sudah membanjiri bahunya. " Betul la, aku nak tipu buat apa. Aku dah takde waris dah ni. I'm last of my kind. Engkau berhentilah buat kerja jenis-jenis gini. Berniagalah buat nasi lemak. Kan berniaga tu 9/10 dari sumber rezeki." Pastu lelaki tersebut pun menghembuskan nafas yang berbau Winston Mentolnya yang terakhir.

Sejak dari peristiwa itu, pak cik dah berhenti membunuh. Dia dah jadi seorang peniaga nasi lemak yang berjaya. Yahoo !

Selamat Datang Rafael Benitez

Kemana hala tuju Benitez selepas ini ?

Sudah tentunya, Perak F.A.

Perak F.A, sebuah pasukan bola di Malaysia yang seperti kita tahu, bagai telur dihujung tanduk keadaan mereka di persada Liga Super ketika ini.

Jadi, dengan adanya Rafael Benitez, maka para peminat setiap skuad seladang, boleh menarik nafas lega.

Ada khabar angin mengatakan bahawa beliau akan membawa Fernando Torres yang sudah tidak terikat dengan pasukan Liverpool setelah kontraknya bersama pasukan itu akan berakhir pada Julai 2010. Beliau akan menggantikan khidmat penyerang berbisa Perak, Razali Umar Kandasamy yang akan berpindah ke Chelsea musim hadapan.. Steven Gerrard juga akan berpindah ke Perak kerana ingin mencuba nasib di Asia. Gandingan Gerrard-Torres diharap akan menggempur gawang lawan terutamanya Selangor dan Kelantan dan mungkin akan menjadi gandingan yang paling digeruni dalam Liga Super musim hadapan.

Benitez sudah meminta pihak pengurusan Perak F.A $45 juta untuk membeli pemain perancang Arsenal, Cesc Fabregas. Perak F.A kini dimiliki oleh seorang jutawan dari Emiriah Arab Bersatu, Syeikh Abdul Malik. Syeikh Abdul Malik telah memberi peruntukkan sebanyak $ 300 juta untuk membeli pemain baru untuk musim hadapan.

Diharap, prestasi Perak F.A akan kembali cemerlang seperti era Karl Heinz Weigang, Tony Netto dan Steve Darby. Semoga Perak F.A akan menjadi pasukan yang paling digeruni di Malaysia. Mungkin 2 tahun lagi Perak F.A akan menjuarai Piala Kelab Dunia.

Insomnia KEMBALI

KEMBALI, kembali kepada selamanya.

KEMBALI, kini ku bangun sedar dari mimpi.

KEMBALI, kembali kepada petak pertama.

Ku mahu hidup seribu tahun lagi.

Blog ini sebenarnya bukan untuk meluahkan impian saya untuk hidup selama 1000 tahun walaupun saya mengidamkan menjadi seorang vampire vegetarian. Blog ini adalah untuk meluahkan ketidakpuasan hati saya sebab saya tak boleh tidur malam apatah lagi kencing malam.

Memanglah bosan, tapi macamana nak buat. Dah tak boleh tidur. Ada pulak orang nak chat dengan kita yang single and hot ni time pagi-pagi buta? Ada girlfriend tak apa la, menemaniku saban waktu. Aduh, bagai jeritan tanpa suara tahu tak bila tak boleh tidoq! ( todia utara mai dah )

Wahai Katy Perry dan Alizee, kenapa suara lunak guru nanak kalian tidak dapat mendodoikan telinga capangku ini?

Wahai Mr Bean, kenapa lawak geniusmu itu tidak boleh buatku tidur dalam ketawa?

Ni nak berterus terang bersama rasa sayang ku biarkanmu terbang. Saya ada Insomnia sebab saya tension. Sekarang jam hanset F480 Samsung saya sudah membunyikan alarm yang sangat Annoying, tak percaya tanya Ayale sebab dia paling anti bunyi alarm fone saya.

Kenapa saya tension pun saya tak tahu. Mungkin sebab saya tension sebab saya tak tahu kenapa saya tension.

Haeh, mana la semua orang ni.

Sebelum akhiri sesi kita pada kali ini, saya ingin menyampaikan serangkap pantun.

Satu dua tiga empat,

lima enam tujuh lapan,

sembilan sepuluh sebelat,

dua belas tiga belan.

Thank you

Konspirasi Tak Nak Kalah

Konspirasi

Apakah itu konspirasi?

Konspirasi dalam Kamus Dewan Bahasa dan Pustaka ( macam tengok pulak ) bermaksud kerjasama antara manusia untuk membuat onar atau perkara-perkara mazmumah.

Konspirasi juga bermaksud satu perjanjian.

Apakah yang dimaksudkan dengan konspirasi tak nak kalah?

Konspirasi tak nak kalah bermaksud perjanjian antara manusia dan haiwan dalam cerita Nur Kasih supaya tidak kalah.

Seriously speaking with serious face and serious typing style. saya pun tidak tahu.

Apa yang saya tahu, saya tidak suka kalah.

Semua orang tidak suka.

Kalau ada orang suka kalah, memang dia letoi habis bak kata Pascal Sauvage " Person who likes losing is very damn letoi. "

Jadi sama-samalah kita berjuang untuk mengelak kekalahan. Jika engkau fikirkan ragu-ragu, kau hampiri kekalahan. Jadi, jangan fikir ragu-ragu.

Saya sekarang ini dalam proses untuk mengubah diri saya. Maksud saya untuk menukar cara hidup saya yang tidak ubah seperti orang yang kalah. Kalau saya nak menang, saya perlu buat cara orang yang menang.

Bila dah berjaya, bolehlah saya merealisasikan impian saya.

Nak tahu apa impian saya?

Tiada puisi atau lagu boleh menggambarkannya.

Saya hanya mahu minum secawan kopi arabica kegemaran saya di pergunungan Alps sambil ditemani yang tersayang yang tengah senyum kat saya dan melihat anak-anak saya seronok-ronok main salji. Thank you.

that's what you get for waking up in kulim finale!

that's what you get for waking up in kulim finale!
Category: Blogging
Assalamualaikum dan salam 1Malaysia.

Sedang aku menaip blog ini, aku sebanarnya telah membuat satu pencapaian yang tak pernah aku sangka, serius tak sangka langsung dah ada 1086 Views. Serius tak sangka langsung ada jugak yang nak baca hasil nukilan agung aku ni. Walaupun terima kasih kepada anda para pembaca setia saya yang tak putus-putus kepala. Ye la, kalau takde kepala macamana nak baca benda alah ni kan. Fikir-fikirkan lah dan selamat beramal!

Setelah berbulan-bulan siri that's what you get for waking up in kulim ni disiarkan( chewah, macam masuk tv slot aksi kat tv3 je cite ni) dah sampai la ke season finalenya seperti cerita-cerita yang lain. Huhu.

That's What You Get For Waking Up in Kulim Finale'

Angin bertiup sepoi-sepoi bahasa Iban, hujan turun renyai-renyai. Pada saat itu, berkumpul dua kumpulan manusia yang darah mereka sedang menggelegak panas. Walaupun pada malam yang dingin itu, kami dapat merasa kehangatannya walaupun hanya berseluar dalam merah(wow, sexy!). Situasi ketika itu sama seperti beribu tahun dahulu dizaman sebelum masihi di mana 300 orang Sparta yang berani beruniform serba merah melawan tentera parsi serba hitam yang nilainya tak terkira. Yunus tetek yang pandai bersilat umpama Raja Sparta pada malam itu. Hujan makin lebat. Habis basah spender kami. Warna merah yang garang itu sudah bertukar menjadi maroon. Tentera bapak flat top bagaikan tak sabar nak menyerang kami. Si bapok flat top tu dok seronok meng api-apikan tentera-tentera bapaknya itu. Mereka ingat kami tak bawak senjata. Mereka pon seronok-ronok la kan. Dorg tak tahu bahawa Wayne Rooney telah terjumpa sekotak senjata setelah dia membelanjakan sejumlah 60 Reward point. Pihak bapak flat top pun memulakan serangan first wave. Kami berjaya mematahkan serangan tersebut hasil daripada pengalaman yang kami dapat ketika bermain game plant vs. zombie. Kemudian datang la wave wave berikutnya dan kacang je kami tewaskan. Rupa-rupanya, kesemua samseng yang kami lawan tu bapok-bapok belaka. Macam si flat top tu jugak. Memang kitorang tak tahan geli la bila lawan dengan diorang. Dah la kitorg rgh seksi, tak pasal2 geng2 bapok tu naik berahi. Geli matt!

Semua benda kat atas ni bukan betul pun, yang sebenarnya api dengan kacak kena jadi mangsa man hunt kitorang. Dekat 3 jam jugak la kitorang dok mengejar Api dgn Kacak tapi tak dapat2. Ada ke patut tipu kitorang kata Cikgu Flattop tu nak jumpe kitorang sebab buat bising lepas dia halau tu. Itu je la ceritanya. Sorry geng kalau cerita ni tak bes. AKu xde idea la..

bye2!
comel gitu

that's what you get for waking up in kulim part 2

that's what you get for waking up in kulim part 2
Category: Life
Assalamualaikum dan salam 1Malaysia (seperti yang dilihat kat kawasan stadium ipoh)

Diatas permintaan ramai( xde la ramai sangat), aku tulis la sambungan cerita That's what you get for waking up in Kulim. Mula-mula tu agak malas jugak la+xde mood nak type2 ni( aku bleh type laju dah weh!), tapi atas dasar semangat setiakawan yang menggunung dan sebesar banjaran titiwangsa dekat taman melawati tu, aku buat la jugak. Aku sebenarnya tengah sangat mengantuk walaupun aku baru isap batu tadi(bukan stone dadah tu, batu betul, aku amek depan rumah aku), aku tetap memerahkan otakku yang sudah tidak diguna pakai setelah berakhirnya Final kat kmk dulu.

Udah-udahlah intro yang panjang tu, kita mulakan cerita that's what you get for waking up in Kulom(haha) part 2.

Sesudah si cikgu flaptop tu berlari seperti bapok yang selalu lepak berhampiran Ebony Guitar tu(utk pengetahuan korg, tadi aku kena wiwit dgn dorg, geli matt), kitorang pon gelaklah dekat si flattop tu. Pastu kitorg budak2 Kasukma pon seronok sakan la, so perangai sorang-sorang telah menjadi semirip seperti haiwan-haiwan dalam cerita Nur Kasih(ada ke?). Kitorang berlari kehulur kehilir seperti meraikan sesuatu. Aku rasa macam time tu bendera Union Jack diturunkan dan berkibarnya bendera Jalur Gemilang. Memang seronok gila. So kitorang pon berlari-lari anaklah sampai ke Dorm Bakti sambil membuat bising seperti ekzos paip LC jiran aku.

Nak dipendekkan cerita yang pendek seperti Nadiah Fadirah ni(sorry!),ada la dua orang membe kitorang ni, Along dan Angah(bukan nama sebenar), masuk dorm buat muka serius walaupun tak nampak macam serius. Along pun berkata " Weh, Flat top tu bawak bapak dia,diorang nak kita semua berkumpul". Untuk pengetahuan para pembaca setia semua, bapak Flat top tu memang gangster la. Kat Kulim tu sapa tak kenal dia, macam-macam jenayah inayah lenayah yang dia buat sampai dia digeruni di setiap pelusuk Daerah Kulim Las Venturas. Tapi anak bapok, tu peliknya. So, Ajim(bukan nama sebenar lagi), ketua pasukan kitorang pon tinjau la keadaan melalui tingkap. Muka dia memang agak cuak gak r time tu, dia cakap " Weh, kita ada masalh besar ni, aku nampak kat luar tu ada banyak bullet proof escalade, memang masak kita malam ni, nasib baik aku tak nampak dia bawak periuk". Yunus Tetek(bukan nama sebenar lagi sekali),mencelah dialog si Ajim tu, " Geng, jangan risau, kita boleh lawan diorang. Aku yakin!". Untuk pengetahuan para pembaca semua, Yunus merupakan seorang ahli pencak silat yang sudah ditauliah menjadi seorang maha guru. So kitorang sume pun kurang takut la.

Bapak flat top dah memekik mekik kat luar tu. Dia suruh kitorang klua sekarang gak untuk membuat perhitungan. Kitorang time tu dok kalut cari senjata. Time-time dok kalut, Wayne(Rooney nama sebenar dia), terjumpa satu kotak. Dalam kotak tu ada banyak jenis senjata yang dirahsiakan identitinya. Jadi kitorang semua ambik satu senjata tu dan keluar berhadapan geng bapak flattop.

Kitorang dah berkumpul kat perkarangan block C, geng bapak flattop berpakaian serba hitam dan ada diantara mereka memakai tuksedo manakala kami pula hanya memakai seluar dalam merah atas saranan Yunus yang mahu kitorang dilihat seperti seorang superman walaupun aku bukanlah superman, aku juga bisa nangis bila kekasih hatiku pergi meninggalkan aku. Ayahku selalu berpesan padaku what so ever lah kalau korang tau lagu lahanat tu.

Nak tahu apa kesudahan cerita ini? Tunggu filem That's What You get for Waking Up in Kulim Part 3!!!

Sayonaraa...

that's what you get for waking up in kulim part 1

Assalamualaikum dan salam sejahtera..
walaupun lately aku dibelenggu oleh masalah masa depanku yang kian meruncing kucing,tapi aku masih sempat mencuri sedikit masa(jangan repot polis ye, nanti tangan aku kena potong) nak tulis blog yang bahasanya kurang indah ini. Biasalah, aku ni bukan pujangga sebab aku tak belajar sastera.

Ada la satu kisah ni, pada malam selepas taklimat atlit yang nak g kasukma kat rumah pengarah ni, kitorang lepak la kat depan dewan. Kebetulan pulak ada la budak matrix jamm lagu ape ntah kat dewan 2, mmg x sedap la, lari tempoh abes. Pastu ade le sorg dua membe aku ajak g pentas dewan nak tambah garam kat lagu yang dorg main tu. Time aku nak main gitar, dan-dan la plak budak matrix tu kata ada teknikal problem. Aduh, masalah tul. Takpe la, aku dgn membe2 aku pon chow la sebab bdk2 matrix kat pentas 2 dah buat muka sememe tempeyek dah.

Nak dipendekkan cerita, lepas kitorang blah dari pentas, kitorg lepak la depan dewan tgk orang main pingpong. Biasala, bila dah tengok orang bersukan mesti havoc tahap moto ex5 paip indu yang bising tu. Pastu datang la sorg mamat ni dengan rambut flat top dan muka kerasnya. Dia pon berkata" Apa buat bising ni? Tak nampak ke budak-budak matrix tengah stadi?" Pastu dia pon blah dengan muka ketatnya. Masalahnya memang kitorg x nampak budak matrix dok stadi 2, sebb 2 la kitorg bising. Pukimak btol spongebob tu. Dah la rmbut flat top, pastu buat tuduhan x berasas.

Bila dipendekkan cerita, x bes plak sebab cite ni panjang lagi.

Ditakdirkan nanti Kasukma tu kitorg perlu buat satu persembahan amal. Kitorg semua sepakat nak suro sorg awex yang bersuara lunak guru nanak ni buat performance untuk kmk. Kitorg senyap je taw, ada la dua tiga bersuara dengan volume paip lagenda standard. Pastu si sponge babi tu datang lagi kat kitorg, suro kitorg blah la tu jgak. PAstu sorg kawan aku bernama Abu(bukan nama sebenar) pon melenting. Lalu berlakulah pertengkaran lidah antara sponge bob dengan Abu. Sampai sumpah-menyumpah mak bapak dah level diorg. Memang dasat la Abu tu, sponge bob tu dah la cikgu matrix, boleh siap tengking2 lagi, main mak bapak pulak tu. Aku dah tengok mata spongebob tu dah merah, tunggu masa je tu. Pastu dia pon teriak sakan sambil beredar dari tempat kitorg dengan gaya larian pondan yang lepak kat tangga berdekatan kedai Ebony guitar. Memang lawok la sebab sume tu bukan betol pon. Yang betulnya kitorang pon blah la, dah kena halau boleh cangak bulu tunngu bapak lagi.

Sekian

malas

Friday, September 18, 2009

malas
Current mood:malas
Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
Malas...
apa itu malas?
aku pun malas nak cerita....

Malas ni adalah satu penghalang yang paling besar dan hantu yang menghalang kita untuk berjaya. Aku pun seorang pemalas dan aku mengaku terang-terang bersama rasa sayang biarkanku terbang.
Malas telah menjadi banyak punca kegagalan aku dan aku still tak berubah sebab aku malas. Kalau aku tak malas, aku dah terbang belajar di Germany dan berjumpa Lukas Podolski dan bermain ski dengannya di Mount Gourmounski. Tapi, itu hanya kalau. Dan perkataan kalau itu selalunya digunakan oleh orang yang malas macam aku ni.

Aritu, lepas exam SD, time nak amik kupon koperasi bernilai jutaan ringgit( RM2 je) dekat mana tah,tempat tu aku xtaw nama dia ( fyi: kupon 2 aku pakai beli fruit cake yang dah basi, I'm going to sew you fucking bastard Koop! ), aku jumpa la kejap mentor aku kat skolah lama dulu,ayat dia memang dahsyat la, yang menyedarkan aku betapa malasnya aku. Dia kata aku ni genius,tapi aku ni malas. Time dia ajar aku dulu, dia ada perasan aku ni fast-learner, dan aku tak perasan pon. Aku ingat memang aku ni slow, tapi bila pikir-pikir balik, aku tak paham sebab aku tak concentrate apa yang orang kat depan tu bebelkan.

Nak menyesal pon tak guna. Aku ni banyak seribu dalih dari seribu guna. Orang kata, kegagalan itu adalah batu loncatan untuk kita berjaya. Masalahnya, batu mana boleh loncat.

Kepada para sahabatku yang membaca blog ini...
Aku ada serangkap pantun nak kasi.

Kupon Koop dua ringgit,
Kupon ditukar dengan roti,
Kalau anda suka menggigit,
Nanti anda patah gigi.

Sekian, terima kasih.

say no, let it go!

Assalamualaikum.
Sedang aku tengah menaip blog ini,sebenarnya aku tengah menyorok dari cikgu-cikgu matrix yang sangat bizibody dan tak reti nak cakap dengan nada pertuturan yang sopan apatah lagi dengan student Unikl kat sini. Ada la satu hari ni, budak-budak matrix tgh ada asembly and time tu aku ada slot mentor mantee. Aku cari la mentor aku bersama dua orang kawan aku ni, Ali dengan Timah(bukan nama sebenar). Mula-mula,kitorang bertiga ni nak naik la tangga dekat dengan dewan besar, pastu ada sorang cikgu ni tanya kitorang ni budak mana..tapi cara dia tanya macam dia tanya monyet yang tak paham bahasa Melayu. Isy, geramnya aku time tu..kitorang tiga pun tak jawab la,buat bodo je kat tuan monyet tu( Sun Wukong), sebab kitorang bukannya monyet. Nak dipendekkan cerita, kitorang tak jumpa mentor kitorang,so kitorang turun la tangga dan terjumpa balik Sun Wukong tu. Disebabkan mentor aku tu dok kat bilik guru atas bukit,aku ali dgn Timah kenalah cross dewan. Sun Wukong tu pon soal lagi kitorang macam dia tengah cakap dengan monyet bernama Seman kenapa kitorang dok merayau dan halang kitorang dari cross dewan. Aku,Ali dan Timah pon pergi la kat tempat Stadi yang berdekatan dengan Dewan sambil mulut kitirang tak berhenti-henti menyumpah Sun Wukong supaya badannya tertimbus di tanah selama 500 tahun seperti ang diceritakan dalam lagenda.Tengah kitorang menyumpah Sun Wukong tu, dia datang kat kitorang, Lepas tu dia halau kitorang,dia kata tak boleh lepak kat situ. What the Hell? What the Hell? Dia memang dah melampau la. Aku pun bangun terus cakap dengan dia apsal tak boleh duduk kat situ? Dia cakap ganggu perhimpunan. Aku pun cakap what da hey? Bukan aku buat tarian naga disusuli paluan gendang cina sampai boleh ganggu the fuckin assembly. Pastu Sun Wukong tu nak tampar aku, aku tampan. Pastu Ali sapot aku, dia sepak kepala Sun Wukong tu, tapi tak kena, SUn WUkong elak. Tengah-tengah Sun Wukong tu dok mengelak, aku pun ambil peluang tackle cikgu tu. Liat jugak cikgu tu nak jatuh. Pastu aku tolak cikgu tu pergi tiang sekuat ati aku. Pom!!! Kena, cikgu tu rebah. Aku dengan Ali pon sepak terajang cikgu tu sampai cikgu tak bermaya lagi. cewah! Sebenarnya aku dengan membe2 aku pon blah la sebab kena halau. Pastu cari jalan alternatif nak pegi bilik guru atas bukit.