Friday, April 1, 2011

You might be an engineer if

.. you are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear reactor.

... you are still drinking Mr. Pibb.

... you are at a wine tasting and you find yourself paying more attention to the cork screws than the '84 Chardonnay.

... you bought your wife a new CD Rom for her birthday.

... you can name at least 6 Star Trek episodes.

... you can quote the scenes from any Monty Python movie.

... you can type 70 words per minute but you can't read your own handwriting.

... you can't fit any more colored pens in your pocket.

... you can't remember where you parked your car for the third time this week.

... you carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that actually takes five minutes to run.

... you comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel.

... you disdain people who use low baud rates.

... you do Darth Vader or Battlestar Galactica impersonations by talking into a spinning fan.

... you drive a Gremlin with a "Beam me up Scotty" bumper sticker.

... you ever burned down the gymnasium with your science fair project.

... you ever forgot to get a haircut... for 6 months.

... you find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage handling equipment.

... you go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects.

... you have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area.

... you have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own turns bread into charcoal.

... the only jokes you receive are through e-mail.

... you can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.

... you order pizza over the Internet and pay for it with your home banking software.

... a team of you and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio in your work area for better reception.

... all your sentences begin with "what if."

... at Christmas, it goes without saying that you'll be the one to find the burnt-out bulb in the string.

... buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your RAM is a moral dilemma.

... Dilbert is your hero.

... everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.

... in college, you thought "Spring Break" was a metal fatigue failure.

... on vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel.

... people groan at the party when you pick out the music.

... the blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you like a tractor beam to fix it.

... the salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.

... the thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your mind.

... when you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on the salesperson talking with customers, you butt in to correct him, and spend the next twenty minutes answering the customers' questions while the salesperson stands silently by, nodding his head.

... you are always late to meetings.

... you are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.

... you are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, but are afraid to say so out loud.

... you are convinced you can build a phazer from your garage door opener and your camera's flash attachment.


... you have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.

... you have ever debated who was a better captain: Kirk or Picard.

... you have ever owned a calculator with no equals key and know what PRN stands for.

... you have ever purchased an appliance "as-is".

... you have ever saved the power cord from a broken appliance.

... you have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside.

... you have introduced your kids by the wrong name.

... you have modified your can opener to be microprocessor driven.

... you have more friends on the Internet than in real life.

... you have never backed up your hard drive.

... you have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you have been married.

... you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts.

... you just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit you got for your ninth birthday.

... you know how to take the cover off your computer and what size screwdriver to use.

... you know the altitude limits for turning on and off electronic equipment on commercial flights.

... you know the direction the water swirls when you flush.

... you know what "http://" stands for.

... you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys.

... you own official "Star Trek" anything.

... you own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.



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